As a hospice chaplain I have the honor to be in the last days, and even hours of someone’s life, while in the presence of their loved ones. It’s a sacred time.

There is this tension though.

The philosophy behind hospice is that while the dying are made as comfortable as possible, the living that surround them are given the task to simultaneously prepare for their imminent passing while caring for them in the present. A dedicated team of medical staff, helpers, volunteers and others focus their efforts. Ideally, family members that have the capacity to, are intimately involved. Weeks become segmented into daily routines and those into hourly schedules. Often, there is little time to cry, and when there is, it’s complicated.

You wan’t Mom to let go, she’s in pain. Yet, you cry because you will miss her. It’s not that you would, you did do everything to try and help. Now it feels like giving up.

Or in another situation…

Dad has never looked so weak, you want to cry just looking at him. You know these are the right decisions, but your not ready for him to go. Selfishly you want a few more hours or days, yet in his state you want his suffering to end, and would never want him to hurt more.

You fight tears that you don’t want to show. You don’t want your loved one to hold on for your sake. Yet, you cry when your alone because the truth is… now matter how prepared we are, it still hurts.

The writer behind Psalm 40 shares their testimony. They waited patiently for the Lord, and He heard their cry. They express how low they were, and how unstable their experience was. In the pit, in mire.

Often this is how we feel, and especially in times of despair like when we face the looming death of a loved one or often worse, their prolonged suffering. It feels like the pit. Like we will never get out of the mire. That we will be waited down forever.

But then in the second part of verse 2 and verse 3 they recount how He was faithful to put them back on solid ground. And this wasn’t all, He gave them joy again, putting a new song in their mouth.

I love how the Psalm ends…

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought of me. You are my help and my deliverer, do not delay, O my God.

Psalm 40:17

Grief takes time. Take these moments and cry. This is what this time is for. But remember God in time will pull you back up and even now He hasn’t forgotten you. Be patient, and take this time of emotional weight to slow down and turn your face to God. Like the psalmist says, pray He does not delay, and never forget is the deliverer, not just of this current pain, but of all pain, forever.

And that is our hope. If you feel stuck in the mud today, reach out to a pastor, or biblical counselor and ask for help. As always, Good&Well is here. Feel free to share your prayer request below, or contact us.

Peace be with you.